God the Individual

I often have been concerned that my personal search for God would somehow end when I stepped foot inside the church, that somehow I would only gain a blanket understanding of Him. When I first began my journey searching for God for a relationship with Christ I did so under the impression that I was doing so as an individual. I believed God knew my heart and so approached me as a singular person and that I would come to know God in a personal and individual relationship, that I would realize my own relationship apart from that of anyone else. I guess as my time in the church has progressed I've felt a kind of choking, a feeling that I had to understand Him as everyone has and always will. This troubled me.

Let me explain. I can only do so in human terms so I guess we'll have to dumb this down a bit from God. If I were to think of my friend, Chris, I think of him as I know him, as the attributes and similarities that we share which has made our friendship strong and unique. Of course Chris has an array of personality traits which are apparent to everyone, his humor, his hard working nature, his striving for perfection, but I feel that I knew and related to him in a very specific way. Now this isn't to say that I am special in that fact of knowing Chris. He has many friends, like three at least. Okay, well more, but you catch my drift. But we all happen to know Chris in a different way and value his friendship because of this. We don't discount all the other attributes we don't relate to him with, we just appreciate the unique friendship that we have created with him by those traits which has called us into a relationship with him. I suppose this is how I see God.

I became disturbed under the idea of information, information people with more time in the church, or those who had studied theology, had over me. That somehow they held something that I didn't and so I had to listen to, and understand them in order to continue my walk with Him. I really had enjoyed looking at people's lives, watching how God has and does affect people and seeing that unique touch with everyone who He lives in, and so when blanketed theology enters the picture I guess it makes me feel less attuned to God, kind of like I'm reading about a celebrity in US Weekly or something. I don't know if that's what they talk about in US Weekly but I sometimes see celebrities on the covers of those when I'm in the check out line at the store, so you'll have to work with me on that analogy.

I don't doubt God has a continuing solid nature, we all do in someway, I guess I was just hoping for that kind, genuine approach. I had always found in reading the Bible that God seemed to approach people as individuals, on a one on one relationship. He chose them because of their specific attributes and called them because of their strengths and weaknesses. I mean really, calling Sampson every time would probably be less than a good idea. He was good at smashing but I don't know how good he was at talking things through, but I hear he had great hair. Though verses like in Isaiah 40 always seemed to press God so far away, sitting upon his throne while looking down upon us like grasshoppers, I found my greatest joy just sitting and talking with Him. I liked to tell Him about my day, as though He didn't know? Yes, I know, work with me here. I would ask Him what He wanted me to do with my life, how to deal with friends and family, if I would ever fall in love, what kind of crazy adventures we'd get into, and how I wished people would know Him as a loving and compassionate being as I did. I suppose I began to lose sight of that inside the church and it scared me.

I ran upon a writer the other day, Oswald Chambers, a Scottish minister, and who doesn't like Scotland, right? No, really I hear its a really cool place, I've always wanted to go there. Anyway, he wrote something that struck me very deeply. "Jesus must appear to you and to your friend individually; no one can see Jesus with your eyes..." it says that He comes to us individually, and Chambers said that once we have seen Him we can never be the same. There may be blanket theology, it is for the church. I once heard a pastor say that it's kind of like dealing with children, he having four of them said something along the lines of "Sometimes you can't really divide up the rules, some of the kids may be able to X but not the others so instead of trying to deal it out and explain you just say no to everyone." I don't have kids, but I have worked with them on several extended occasions, and though I loved doing it, sometimes tazoring is the only option, especially with middle school boys. I think it should be fine, creates character, or chest hair or something, I'm fairly certain. Anyway, this may be true in some instances, but I don't know if I always believe it, I guess that is why the personal God appeals to me and why I love to chase this Deity. I do believe there are things that I can do which others can't, just as much as I know there are things I cannot do which others can, whether they be big or small, and God knows this- He knows our hearts. I thought about my own life, my own down falls, issues and strengths and how I feel loved by His knowing this, and excited at the idea of what He has in store for me knowing these things about me. I think God does approach us as individuals, and I think we relate to Him in that, it is how we were designed to. A.W. Tozer once wrote "...we Christians are in real danger of losing God amid the wonders of His Word. We have almost forgotten that God is a Person and, as such, can be cultivated as any person can. It is inherent in personality to be able to know other personalities, but full knowledge of one personality by another cannot be achieved in one encounter. It is only after long and loving mental intercourse that the full possibilities of both can be explored." I don't know if more beautiful words could express it. And so, I seek God as the individual God is, since He has chosen me as the individual I am.